


it's not working (so stop fronting)

by zayndotcom



Category: GOT7
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M, Mostly Crack, Soft Im Jaebum | JB, a play on the fake dating trope, like everything i write, mark/youngjae/taehyung, side pairings mentioned:, yoonkook, yugbam as platonic soulmates, yugkook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 01:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayndotcom/pseuds/zayndotcom
Summary: “all i’m trying to say is,” yugyeom continues, squeezing bambam’s hand again, “is that you don’t have to make up a pretend boyfriend to get out of doing stuff with us.”what.or in which yugyeom thinks he's being a supportive friend, jungkook's being dragged along for the ride, and bambam wishes he had stayed in thailand (at least jaebum is pretty tho).





	it's not working (so stop fronting)

**Author's Note:**

> i. 
> 
> the world needs more bbam and no one asked but i decided to provide.

bambam has been sat at the table for less than five seconds before yugyeom starts whining at him. if bambam didn’t live with yugyeom and wasn’t already forced to deal with him constantly every day and night this behaviour might have struck him as odd, but as his roommate and best friend bambam mostly just finds it endearingly annoying, or annoyingly endearing- he’s not sure which one it is yet.

 

“bambam~, are you coming out with me and jungkookie tonight?” he asks, flopping his body over jungkook’s lap to reach for bambam’s hand, which is currently holding chopsticks because he came here to eat, not to be bothered by some man-child.

 

“i can’t,” bambam says, slapping yugyeom’s hand when it gets too close to him, “i’m busy.”

 

“busy?” yugyeom looks doubtful, shifting so that he’s basically sitting on jungkook’s lap now and makes another grab for bambam’s hand- jungkook looks pretty unbothered by the six foot man-baby sprawled on him, probably because there’s food on the table. “with who?”

 

bambam hits yugyeom’s hand again, laughing when he yelps, “i have friends other than you losers,” he reminds them, not at all defensive.

 

“yeah, well your foreigner hyungs are also going out tonight, i already asked them. so who are you busy with?” yugyeom pouts.

 

“you should probably stop calling mark-ssi and jackson-ssi ‘foreigner hyungs’, it’s gonna get you in trouble one day,” jungkook finally adds in, apparently actually paying attention to the conversation happening around him.

 

“they don't mind it,” yugyeom dismisses and jungkook doesn't look convinced.

 

“c’mon bambam, just come with us. we can watch jungkook try to awkwardly approach but never gain the courage to actually talk to that one hyung that hangs out with hobi-hyung,” yugyeom giggles to himself and pinches jungkook's thigh teasingly.

 

jungkook tenses up, slapping a hand down on yugyeom’s back and the sound of it makes even bambam wince. yugyeom snaps his head up to shoot jungkook a look of betrayal and bambam hopes this doesn't dissolve into some sort of slapping match. any physical fight between these two usually gentle giants always escalates quickly because neither one knows their own strength and bambam cannot afford to pay for another broken piece of furniture in a public place.

 

“i really can’t, gyeom,” bambam says, in an effort to catch their attention to stop whatever childish fight that was about to break out, “i’m meeting up with my boyfriend after classes today.”

 

this seems to be enough to distract them, two pairs of eyes now watch in disbelief as bambam takes a sip of his iced coffee.

 

“ _boyfriend?!_ ” they say in unison.

 

bambam furrows his eyebrows, “yes, boyfriend,” he says slowly, “i told you about him like two weeks ago?”

 

“what the fuck, bambam,” yugyeom yells, straightening up in jungkook’s lap, no longer interested in grabbing at bambam, “no you didn’t! since when have you had a fucking boyfriend! who is it?”

 

these two idiots never listen to anything bambam says, god.

 

“yes i did,” bambam corrects, “and _‘it’s’_ name is jaebum-hyung.”

 

“jaebum…” jungkook whispers under his breath, his eyes still wide enough that it’s a real concern that they might just pop right out of his head. bambam would be offended at such a reaction to mere idea of him having a boyfriend if this wasn’t the expression jungkook wears for at least 78% of the day.

 

“ _jaebum-hyung_ !” yugyeom exclaims and bambam sighs, he really did not expect this sort of reaction when he mentioned it, “as in the sunbae that hangs around with my tutor, the one who looks like he’s secretly plotting the murder to everyone who so much breathes too loudly next to him, _that_ jaebum.”

 

“i- yes? that jaebum, but i really think that description is a bit of an overkill,” bambam says, “he’s not that scary, god.”

 

the picture yugyeom painted of jaebum does not reflect the jaebum bambam knows. sure he can be a bit prickly when you first meet him, but it only took about five minutes for bambam to realise that jaebum was a big softy that spoils his cats (and bambam!) way too much. there’s really nothing intimidating about a man who has a picture of his three cats as the background on his phone.

 

“there is no way you are dating that guy, bambam,” yugyeom continues, like bambam hadn’t spoken in the first place, “you’re just way too different, he walks around the campus like he’s ready to jump the next person who says hello to him. i’ve never even seen the two of you together…”

 

yugyeom keeps ranting but bambam is distracted by looking out behind yugyeom's head at a familiar figure he can see walking into the entrance of campus, directly across from where the cafe bambam, yugyeom and jungkook like to meet up at between classes. bambam would recognise that snoop dogg shirt anywhere, a shirt that he himself has worn on a few occasion because jaebum likes to leave it on the floor beside his bed and it’s long enough that bambam doesn’t have to put on pants to wear it and also because jaebum wears it at least three times a week. jaebum is walking with someone who bambam recognises as jinyoung, the sunbae who helps yugyeom write the essay for the sociology elective he picked up on impulse even though his major doesn’t require any form of essay writing, leaving him completely clueless.

 

as if he can feel his gaze on him, jaebum's eyes meet bambam’s from across the campus. recognition passes across his face and suddenly jaebum’s once neutral expression breaks out in to a grin, and he lifts up a hand in greeting. bambam can see jinyoung lean around jaebum, probably curious about who jaebum is looking at.

 

bambam’s own face breaks out into a huge grin to match jaebum’s, waving enthusiastically at the two. jinyoung looks confused, and pokes at jaebum’s shoulder saying something.

 

“bambam,” yugyeom’s voice brings him back to his own table, “who the fuck are you waving at?”

 

“jaebum, my boyfriend,” bambam smiles, pointing between jungkook’s and yugyeom's heads.

 

both yugyeom and jungkook turn around just in time to see jaebum and jinyoung talking together before they disappear inside a building. when they turn back around jungkook looks more confused and yugyeom looks… he's pitying bambam?

 

“bam-ah,” yugyeom begins and bambam’s left stumped at the sudden change of tone and expression, “if you don’t want to go out every night, that’s fine.”

 

bambam blinks, “okay…” he really has no idea where this is going.

 

“but you don’t have to pretend you’re dating someone to get out of doing stuff, it won’t hurt our feelings if you say no to hanging out,” yugyeom reaches over, placing a hand comfortingly on top of bambam’s, squeezing it gently.

 

_what?_

 

“i’d get sick of yugyeom too if i had to live with him, we all understand if you need space from him,” jungkook says seriously, patting bambam’s back.

 

 _what_.

 

“hey, fuck you,” yugyeom frowns, but he stays put in jungkook’s lap, which at some point in his ‘you’re not dating jaebum’ rant he must have moved fully into, so he can't be too offended by the comment.

 

“i…- _what_?” is all bambam can say, think even.

 

what are these idiots even talking about?

 

“all i’m trying to say is,” yugyeom continues, squeezing bambam’s hand again, “is that you don’t have to make up a pretend boyfriend to get out of doing stuff with us.”

 

 _fake boyfriend?_ , did yugyeom snort crack this morning or something, where is he pulling this bullshit out of? what the fuck would make yugyeom think bambam’s _very real_ boyfriend is fake? did he not just say they were dating?

 

“um…” is the only response bambam can muster in his mind. is it too late to move back to thailand?

 

jungkook pats bambam’s back again and why does this feel like he’s getting lectured by his parents? these two brats are both younger than him, where did they learn to exude all of this patronising energy from?

 

“plus if you really wanted us to believe you were dating someone, you probably should have picked anyone other than jaebum-ssi,” jungkook says, “he doesn’t seem like the type to agree to such a stupid idea.”

 

bambam makes an offended noise, that comes out half strangled. he feels like he isn’t on the same plane of existence this conversation is happening in. everything they are saying is going way over his head and he feels like he’s about to have some extreme confusion related stroke.  

 

“jaebum is _not_ my fake boyfriend, i- what are you even…” bambam trails off, he’s at a loss for word but he feels like he really needs to get this point across before this gets out of control.

 

yugyeom leans back into jungkook’s lap, looking sympathetic, “the gig is up, bam-ah,” he says, “we’ve already caught onto your little scheme, you don’t have to pretend anymore.”

 

the sound of bambam’s phone buzzing interrupts yugyeom’s second rant of the day and bambam glances down at it. a notification for a text and the time _12:57_ flashes at him and bambam curses loudly, “fuck i’ve got a lecture on the other side of campus that starts in three minutes.”

 

he starts collecting his belongings in a panic, yugyeom and jungkook just stare at him and make no effort to help. “we will be finishing this conversation later, you shits,” bambam glares at them both, “don’t go blabbing this around to anybody.”

 

“of course not,” yugyeom nods seriously and jungkook mirrors him, “this is probably very embarrassing for you.”

 

“oh fuck you,” bambam rolls his eyes but decides he’ll deal with this mess later, chugging the rest of his iced coffee before he starts speed walking away from the caffee.

 

he makes a mental note to start looking for new friends, preferably more intelligent ones.

  


***

 

“so,” the sounds of a voice makes bambam look up from where he was packing his things up, the lecture he was five minutes late to now finished.

 

bambam recognises the owner of the voice to be taehyung, jungkook’s roommate, and bambam doesn’t know him well enough to really call him a friend- he mostly knows him through jungkook and mark, a friend of a friend if you will. one thing bambam does know is that taehyung doesn’t take this class and has no reason to be in this lecture.

 

“i heard you’ve got yourself a boyfriend,” taehyung grins, “or should i say, _fake_ boyfriend,” he winks.

 

“oh my fucking god,” bambam groans, shoving his pencil case into his bag and storming out of the lecture, taehyung’s laugh echoing behind him.

 

for someone who wears the expression of an alien who has just been beamed down to earth with absolutely no knowledge of human life and is therefore constantly in awe but also terrified, jungkook sure has a big fucking mouth for gossip- and hanging around with him and yugyeom has clearly only made him worse.

as he walks out of the lecture hall bambam contemplates heading back to his dorm to wait for yugyeom to get back and try to sort this shit out, but he honestly can't really be bothered with it at the moment- plus jaebum promised him a good night tonight and he'd rather spend the night with his _completely real_ boyfriend than try to convince yugyeom that said boyfriend is real.

 

bambam unlocks his phone, opening the unread message from jaebum he didn’t have time to read when he was all but sprinting across campus to make it to his class.

 

 **hyunggg <3: ** _apartment is free for the night come over whenever ur class is done babe xxx_

 

bambam wonders what yugyeom would think about jaebum if he knew he was the kind of boyfriend who sent ‘x’s’ with every text. his small brain might explode.

 

 **babybam:** _just outta class now hyung!!! omw 2 urs <33333 _

 

 **babybam:** _yugy is on his bullshit again wait until i tel u what hes fuckin done now lmao_

 

 **hyunggg <3: ** _cant wait xxx_

  


***

 

drinking that much last night, yugyeom decides when his body finally enters the land of the living again, was definitely a mistake. he had mostly drank that much because he’s stressed about the bambam situation- he can’t believe he didn’t see how lonely his best friend was, lonely enough to fabricate a fake boyfriend and use someone like _im jaebum_ as a scapegoat. and obviously the only way to handle this guilt and stress was to drink himself into oblivion. obviously.

 

yugyeom is definitely feeling the consequences of his decisions now.  he actually thinks he lost his lungs somewhere in the club last night because he cannot breathe, he feels like a bus has parked directly on top of his chest and every breath he breathes in is a struggle.

 

groaning he tries to throw an arm out, in hopes that someone out there will see his struggle, but he finds he can’t actually move his arms _what the fuck?_ he opens his eyes finally, hissing at the effort it takes him and is only met with the sight of… someone’s head?

 

okay, he’s actually starting to panic now.

 

“get up, you idiot.”

 

yugyeom flinches at the sound of a voice close to him and the body that is trapping him to the couch he’s lying down on whines at the disturbance. he snaps his head to the side to see mark standing there, looking both amused and mildly annoyed. yugyeom has no idea why mark is here, or even where he is in the first place, but he’s never been one to turn down someone else's help.

 

“um, a little help, hyung,” yugyeom croaks, voice fucked from whatever he was doing last night.

 

“fucking useless,” mark mutters, but moves over to help anyway.

 

later, when the comatose body of what turned out to be a shirtless jungkook was removed from yugyeom, he and mark sit in the kitchen in mark and jackson’s apartment (which is apparently where both yugyeom and jungkook ended up even though yugyeom’s place was closer to the club they were in)- mark watching yugyeom with a blank expression and yugyeom sheepishly sipping from a mug of coffee in hopes that it was somehow revive his broken soul.

 

“so you think bambam has created a fake boyfriend because he’s too afraid to tell you that sometimes he doesn’t want to go out?” mark looks like he’s questioning ever moving to korea.

 

“look i know it sounds crazy, hyung,” yugyeom says, “but i promise you this is true. he’s told us he was dating _im jaebum_.”

 

mark freezes, mouth dropping open.

 

“i know right!” yugyeom exclaims, flailing his arms. he knew mark would understand, “i don’t know why he chose _that guy_ , he was walking across campus at the time so he must have just picked the first guy he saw.”

 

“i have absolutely no words,” mark says, genuinely looking dumbfounded, “this has got to be the most stupid situation i have ever second handedly been a part of, i cannot believe this.”

 

yugyeom stiffles his giggles, the situation bambam has put himself into is _silly_ , especially because he got caught in his lie so quickly.

 

“it probably would have fooled me and jungkookie if bambam had said anyone else,” yugyeom attempts to defend his friend, “but _im jaebum_ is the last person i’d ever believe is dating bambam.”

 

“i,” mark abruptly pushes himself out from the table and stands up, “want nothing to do with this situation, as hilariously stupid as it is, i want no part in this foolishness.”

 

“but hyung,” yugyeom whines as mark beings to walk out of the kitchen, “i need your help~ how do i get bambam to admit he’s lying?”

 

“nope,” mark says, single finger raised in the air, “i do not want to be associated with this. you and jungkook can stay for however long you want, just don’t fuck on the couch there’s already enough come stains on it.”

 

and with that he walks out of the kitchen. yugyeom pouts when he hears the door to mark’s bedroom slam closed, some help that hyung was with this bambam situation. guess it’s up to him and jungkook to get to the bottom of this.

 

***

 

it’s around dinner time before yugyeom finds it in himself to leave mark’s and go back to his own dorm. mark, taehyung and youngjae (which what the fuck, when did they all start fucking and why wasn’t yugyeom invited) all emerge from mark’s room a little after lunch, joining jungkook and yugyeom on the couch to watch some movies and try not to pass into the hangover afterlife. after the third movie yugyeom finally decided to get off his ass and go home, feeling a little bad about leaving bambam in their dorm for so long on his own- even though he still hasn’t replied to yugyeom’s texts from last night which, rude.

 

so he somehow wills himself to leave the glorified puppy pile and head back to his own home with what little strength is left is his tired body. here is where he finds bambam standing in front of  the mirror in the hallway, smudging eyeshadow onto his lids.

 

“gyeomie,” he says, not bothering to look away from the mirror at the sound of yugyeom opening the door, “does this look good?”

 

bambam turns around, closing his eyes to allow yugyeom to see the dark red eyeshadow he’s applied somewhat messily on his eyelids and yugyeom hums in approval, slipping on slippers. bambam opens his eyes and yugyeom sees he’s even put in his blue contacts and he purses his lips, “what are you getting all dolled up for?” he says suspiciously, eyeing the outfit he has on too now.

 

mostly sheer shirt that you can see his nipples in, ripped as fuck jeans that hug his long as fuck legs, heeled boots and a thick dark red satin choker- this is a ‘bambam wants to get Fucked’ outfit, yugyeom knows it well.

 

“jaebum’s taking me out,” he smirks, lips stained red, “i came home like an hour ago to get ready, i’m gonna meet him there.”

 

yugyeom’s eyebrows furrow, “...okay.”

 

bambam sighs, looking annoyed as he turns back to the mirror to mess with his perfectly tousled hair some more, “you don’t believe me do you,” he rolls his eyes.

 

“i do,” yugyeom lies, he doesn’t want to confront bambam about this now.

 

“you’re lying!” bambam swings around to point a finger in yugyeom’s face, “i know your lying face, gyeom-ah.”

 

bambam’s got his hands on his hips and he’s starting to look genuinely angry. yugyeom is too hungover for this, the last thing he wants to do is have an argument with bambam in the entrance to their dorm but he also kinda started it so he can’t back down now.

 

“okay i am,” he admits, “but why are you still keeping this pretend boyfriend shit up? i already figured out your lie, there’s no point anymore!”

 

“maybe because i’m not fucking lying, you bitch,” bambam snaps, “get off my dick and stop questioning my relationship.”

 

the sound of a phone buzzing echoes in the hallway and bambam angrily pulls it out of his pocket, looking down at the screen.

 

“i gotta go,” he says, pushing past yugyeom and swinging open the door, “i won’t be home tonight. you better not be a fucking cock to me tomorrow,” and with that he slams the door behind him, leaving yugyeom alone and sad in their dorm.

 

or so he thought.

 

“mayhaps he snapped,” jackson says as he steps into the hallway from the sitting room.

 

yugyeom’s pretty sure their neighbours are gonna call the cops because of how loud he screamed, “what the fuck, jackson! how long have you been here?”

 

jackson shrugged, “i came over to help bam pick out an outfit for his date~” he wags his eyebrows.

 

“ugh,” yugyeom groans, pushing past jackson and slumping into the sitting room, throwing himself down onto the couch to wallow. jackson follows him, crossing his arms over his chest and watching yugyeom pout to himself.

 

“why are you so sure that jaebum and bambam aren’t dating?” jackson asks, looking genuinely curious.

 

yugyeom frowns, feeling put out and defensive after his mild argument with bambam,“when bambam told me and kooks yesterday that he was 'dating’” he makes exaggerated air quotations here, “jaebum, he saw jaebum walking into campus and he was waving at him and grinning all happily but jaebum wasn’t even looking at him! he was just talking with jinyoung, he didn’t even look in our direction! if they were really dating why would he blank bambam like that?”  

 

he sighs, sinking further down into the couch and feeling altogether defeated, “i just can’t imagine them together! and it’s so random, like how did they meet? when did they start dating? do they even have anything in common? bambam would have told me all these things if he were dating someone, so obviously the only explanation is that he made it up.”

 

jackson drops onto the couch beside yugyeom, placing a hand on his knee, “do you think maybe you’re doing all of this because you’re a little upset that bambam didn’t confide in you about his relationship?” jackson asks and yugyeom rolls the thought around in his head.

 

“maybe,” he hums, “i just don’t see why he wouldn’t, we tell each other everything. why would this be any different?”

 

“i mean, you have been pretty busy lately sucking jungkook’s dick while also trying to help him get into yoongi’s pants,” jackson says, looking amused and also proud.

 

“you got me there,” yugyeom admits, sighing. “this is just one of those things that i won’t believe unless i see it with my own eyes.”

 

jackson rolls his eyes, “maybe you should just ask bambam to introduce you to jaebum, instead of being a drama queen about it and accusing people of lying about their relationships,” he suggests and he’s been spending too much time with mark, jackson never used to be this mean.

 

“or,” yugyeom sits up, getting a genius idea, “i stalk bambam on his date and see who he’s really meeting up with!”

 

“what? bitch, why would you possibly think that's a good idea?” jackson exclaims, looking like he’s questioning all of his life decisions.

 

“just tell me where he went, hyung,” yugyeom demands and jackson seems like he’s going to protest but just sighs instead.

 

“you’re a fucking crackhead, you know that right?” jackson says as he pulls out his phone to text yugyeom the location, “i should have done what mark did and stayed out of your crackhead foolishness.”

 

“thanks, hyung!” yugyeom grins, ignoring everything jackson is saying as he forwards the address onto jungkook and tells him to meet him there, “love you.”

 

***

 

“are you sure this is a good idea?” jungkook asks, crouching beside yugyeom in the bush located across the street from the only bougie restaurant near their university, “isn’t this kinda stalking now?”

 

“of course it’s not, kook-ah,” yugyeom reassures, holding up the binoculars he managed to convince jungkook to steal from taehyung to his eyes, “this is just a perfectly healthy display of concern for my best friend.”

 

jungkook hums, unconvinced, but shuffles closer to yugyeom anyway.

 

people are walking past them on the footpath, looking mildly scared when they noticed two nearly six foot men huddled together in some shrubs staring intensely into a restaurant window using binoculars but yugyeom doesn’t even notice the attention, too focused on the task at hand.

 

“we’re just, uh- bird watching,” jungkook explains when a woman looks like she’s about to approach them.

 

she blinks, opens her mouth to say something but probably decides it’s not worth her time and walks away, shaking her head.

 

“shush,” yugyeom hisses, like jungkook talking might give them away as if they aren’t totally visible in the plants that only come up to their shoulders, “i think i see bambam!”

 

he squints harder, “... and i think he’s with someone,” jungkook presses in harder, trying to get a look for himself, “wait is that- _oh…._ ”

 

***

 

“yugyeom’s still on his bullshit?” jaebum guesses when bambam throws himself into the chair, huffing and pouting dramatically.

 

“yes,” bambam sighs, resting his chin on his hand and pouting harder, elbow nearly knocking down the jug of water, “why can’t he just take my word for it when i say we’re dating? it can’t really be _that_ shocking.”

 

he taps his finger against the table top irritably, frowning harder when he notices he chipped his nail polish while he was making his dramatic exit from the apartment. a hand covers his own, squeezing his fingers and bambam looks up to see jaebum smiling fondly at him.

 

“maybe he doesn’t think you’d actually settle for someone like.. me.” he gestures to himself, grip tightening on bambam’s fingers.

 

bambam’s first reaction is to defend his boyfriend, but this is also the same guy who showed up to their dinner today in ill fitting jeans, a snoop dogg shirt that reaches his knees and an overgrown mullet. yugyeom knows that bambam prides himself on being put together, but he should also know that though he’s a judgmental bitch sometimes, if someone is cool and sweet it doesn’t really matter how they look- he puts up with yugyeom’s dumb looking ass, he thought that this fact would be obvious enough.  

 

bambam flips his hand around, palm up and interlocks his fingers with jaebum’s, “yugyeom knows me better than that though. plus you’re lucky you have a face that can pull off nearly every look, even this somehow.”

 

jaebum grins, pleased, eyes crinkling into little crescents and bambam’s heart thuds pathetically, “thanks, babe. you’re not too bad yourself.”

 

bambam reaches for his glass of water, taking a sip in effort to mask the undoubtable cheesy smile about to stretch across his face, fingertips tapping teasingly across jaebum’s knuckles.

 

they haven’t even given their orders yet and bambam is already overcome with how much he _likes_ this dork. fuck yugyeom for not believing they’re dating, what does he know?

 

jaebum opens his mouth, probably to say something gross and cheesy, when his eyes lock on something behind bambam.

 

“is that…” he begins, leaning forward as he frowns in concentration, “oh my god.”

 

“what?” bambam demands and jaebum doesn’t respond, just points behind bambam.

 

he swing around in his chair, dropping jaebum’s hand and follows his line of sight to the window at the front of the restaurant, “what are you looking at, hyung?” he asks again, eyes searching, slightly bitter that whatever distracted jaebum interrupted their hand holding session.

 

and then he sees it. or rather, them.

 

“are you fucking kidding me?”

 

jaebum laughs.

 

***

 

“look, lady,” yugyeom defends, mind still reeling from what he saw in the restaurant. god he can’t believe he’s so stupid, he should have stayed in mark’s and begged to join their orgy, “we’re not technically trespassing, no one owns these bushes.”

 

jungkook, the coward, is silently staring at the floor. there’s a leaf caught in his hair.

 

the woman looks second away from calling the cops, yugyeom should probably keep his mouth shut, “do you think it’s acceptable to be spying on people through a window, perverts!”

 

“we weren’t looking at you, i promise,” yugyeom pleads but the woman doesn’t look appeased. fuck they’re gonna go to jail, yugyeom’s too soft for jail.

 

“sorry about them, ma’am,” a voice interrupts, “but i think i can deal with these two.”

 

yugyeom’s head snaps up to see bambam approaching the scene, hand in hand with none other than _im jaebum_. jungkook chokes.

 

jail sounds pretty good right now, actually.

  
  


it doesn’t take long for bambam to talk the woman down from calling the cops, he’s pretty and charming so she miraculously buys the bullshit he made up about it being a prank or something like that. yugyeom doesn’t really listen, too busy dying in his own shame to pay attention.

 

once she's taken care of an awkward silence settles over the group, the branches snapping under jungkook's feet as he shuffles uncomfortably in the bushes they still haven't stepped out of the only thing to break it.

 

“so…” bambam raises his eyebrows, or he sounds like he does because yugyeom's too much of a pussy shit to actually look him in the eyes.

 

yugyeom coughs, “i’m just gonna go and join mark in his lil sexcapade, don't mind me,” he makes to leave but a hand snatches out and grips his arm before he can book it the whole way back to the apartment and trap himself inside his room where he'd cry and masturbate, all while questioning why he was even born in the first place.

 

he follows the arm of the hand and shit those shoulders are definitely not bambam's and he stupidly meets the unimpressed eyes of im jaebum. is he gonna turn to stone now that he's locked eyes with the untamable beast? is that how this works?

 

“aah!” yugyeom yelps, biting back a whimper, “please don't kill me im jaebum-ssi.”

 

jaebum looks confused and vaguely disturbed, dropping his hand from yugyeom's arm.

 

“don't try to run, coward,” bambam says, glaring at yugyeom, “and stop looking so pathetic, you're making it hard to stay angry at you.”

 

“okay but are we not going to question why he thinks i’m going to kill him, or…” jaebum asks, glancing between them all, “what have you been telling them about me, babe?”

 

yugyeom flinches at the pet name and bambam huffs louder, though his cheeks flush bashfully and _oh_. it takes a lot for bambam to get shy.

 

“i usually don't bother to rationalize gyeom’s thoughts,” he admits, patting jaebum's shoulder, “he's a bit airheaded.”

 

yugyeom glares now, “back at you, ugly.”

 

“fuck you, bitch. i’m allowed to be mad at you, you were acting cunty,” bambam bites back and yugyeom simmers down again.

 

“are they always like this?” he hears jaebum mumble to jungkook.

 

he shrugs, “it's either this or they're professing their undying love for each other, no inbetween,” and yugyeom supposes he's right.

 

“i’m sorry for being a dick about all of this bam,” yugyeom says suddenly, “i should have just believed you when you said you were dating jaebum.”

 

(“ _jaebum??_ fucking punk i’m older than him. where's the respect?”- “you better get used to it, hyung”)

 

“you should have,” bambam agrees, stubbornly.

 

“and i'm sorry for stalking you and ruining your date,” yugyeom pouts harder, “that was also shitty of me.”

 

“it was,” bambam says, less sternly now and yugyeom can see he's broken his resolve and accepts it when bambam launches himself at him, so he manages to both catch him and not send them tumbling into the shrubs and destroying them even more.

 

“god, yugyeom-ah, you're such a dumbass,” bambam laughs, hugging yugyeom so tight that he's mildly afraid he's going to choke.

 

“but i’m _your_ dumbass,” yugyeom grins and jungkook gags in the background, “and also you're a dumbass too.”

 

this earns him a fond flick on the ear, yugyeom yelps and suddenly they're off balance and they collapse into the bush, pushing and tugging at each other as they fight in the leaves.

 

“should we… stop them?” jaebum asks as he and jungkook watch yugyeom body slam bambam into an undeserving flower display.

 

jungkook shakes his head, filming as bambam spits petals out of his mouth and tries to shove a fistful of dirt down yugyeom's pants, “nah you're better off letting them fight it out, you don't wanna see what would happen if you tried to separate them.”

 

jaebum pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling loudly through his mouth and only flinching slightly when yugyeom lets out a war cry.

 

“i'm gonna regret falling for bambam and getting myself involved with you people, aren't i,” he sighs.

 

“oh holy fucking yes you are,” jungkook says, zooming in on the split that's appearing on the ass crack of bambam's jeans.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this fic was written half pre me flying to canada from Ireland to see got7 and half post me flying back to Ireland from canada after seeing got7.... those are two very different versions of myself. just know that these eyes have seen bambam in the flesh and still live to tell the story
> 
> hoped you all enjoyed this and as always thank u yasmin for always encouraging my bullshit ily and also to the people on twitter who also encouraged this, in particular @tremmy the Queen of bbam this one 4 u 
> 
> follow me on Tumblr @jaebald to see my posts Before they get reposted on twitter by someone or on twitter @jaebumisbald where you can see me sometimes yell about writing fic but mostly bambam


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